The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its about making memories worth repressing
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
