I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
