I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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