yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just sent this text using only my big toe
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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