i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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