# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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