We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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