I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
