Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize