Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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