you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
