I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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