In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
