last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
