We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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