she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
