Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
