That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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