My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
