Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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