just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
