I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
