So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
