I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
