and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
