New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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