I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
love makes seman taste better
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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