I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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