Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drake has all the answers
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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