I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize