Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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