It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
