I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
