I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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