I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize