I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
