I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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