Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
