Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
