Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found your dick twin last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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