it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
