I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
