don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
