Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The power of my boobs compel you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
