these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
