dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
