I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
