How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
