Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
