sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
