My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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