Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Are we still banned from the library?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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