Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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