Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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