Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to make out with him forever
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
