I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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