Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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