Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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