At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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