so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
