He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
