Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
