I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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