It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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