Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
