i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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