Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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