areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
