at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
