This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
