I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
