Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
