Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
