dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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