If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
