false alarm. still invincible.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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