i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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